What Do You Say?

Changing your communication approach may go a long way toward winning over your mate and infusing your home with better energy flow

QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Help! My husband just doesn’t “get” feng shui, and I’m frustrated because he won’t do the things I want him to do for us to have good energy in our home. How can I get him to do things instead of sitting around watching TV? I guess I have become somewhat of a nag, and he now tunes me out. Also, last week you talked about astrological signs. Could that be our problem — that we are incompatible by nature? Can you elaborate more on that? And, not to offend you, but he says feng shui is ridiculous and unimportant. What do you say to that?

Whenever two people share a home, points of contention can involve differences in lifestyles and how to decorate and maintain the home. I often hear from couples that one person is “into” feng shui and the other is not, or that one is neat and the other is not, or that one has a vision of a certain type of home environment and the other does not.

My thoughts on nagging

Nagging always puts the other person on the defensive, which can include tuning you out. What is important to you about your environment is obviously not important to your husband, and when you nag, you are not only asking him to do something he does not want to, but you are asking him to be someone he is not or does not want to be.

Obviously, I do not have all the details about your relationship, but when did you last show your appreciation for what your husband does do? When is the last time you talked to him about what is meaningful to him? Asking him to do what you want him to do when it holds no value for him gives him no reason to listen, let alone take action, regardless of what he believes about feng shui.

Communicate with the other person in mind

Put feng shui aside. If you want your husband to open up and listen to you, talk to him in terms of what he values in his life. Nagging has the same effect as a vacuum cleaner salesperson trying to sell you a vacuum cleaner by telling you that he will make a big commission. You would likely tune him out because you do not care about his commission. But, if you have a severe pollen allergy and he tells you that the vacuum will remove 99 percent of the pollen in the room, you might be more open to listening because he is talking about something that you care about.

Your ego speaks up

You may be thinking, “Forget that! That’s ridiculous and way too much effort. He should just do what is right, darn it!” Forget about right or wrong. What you want may not necessarily be right for him. Focus on the final result and what you want to achieve in your home. How can you effect the most change? Do you make a conscious effort and take responsibility by implementing a new approach (and get what you want)? Or, do you keep nagging, getting nowhere, and remain frustrated?

As for astrology …

My experience as an astrologer (using the time, date and location of birth to get insight into a person) helps me to see people’s differences in detail, which is most helpful, as we all naturally embody certain tendencies that may or may not be compatible, but astrological incompatibility is no excuse for not getting along. The key is to understand that sometimes you have to see things from a different perspective and then change your approach. It is possible to get what is important to you while taking into consideration what is important to your mate, as I mentioned above.

Exploring sign tendencies for fun

For simplicity’s sake, let’s explore “sun signs” to understand what I mean. For example, Virgos like order and prefer things to be specific or a certain way; Scorpios tend to like to be in control; Geminis scatter things everywhere, and nostalgic Cancers keep a lot of things for old times’ sake. Fire signs, like Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius, can be messy at times, tending to direct their energy toward the outdoors.

Libras enjoy entertaining and like nicer things in the home. Interestingly, Sagittarians will splurge for the things they want, but Capricorns will buy them only if they see the value. Cancers will buy most things on sale, with a coupon, or if they are for someone they care about. Taurus can get stuck in a rut, whereas Aquarians love change and want things to remain new and exciting. Capricorns like order, but Pisceans can live without rules and regulations, tending to go with the flow.

How important is feng shui?

I do not see feng shui as the answer to everything, but just one of many ways to create flow and awareness in your life, offering support to make it easier to do what you want and get where you want to go. It is as important as you want it to be.

Final advice

In your case, just changing your approach can break the tension between you and your mate over your desire for more feng shui touches in the home and may create an opportunity to take a step forward in a new way.

Alice Inoue is a life guide at Alice Inoue Life Guidance LLC, a company committed to assisting people in living empowered lives. Alice shares her wisdom as a professional speaker and personal consultant, and offers a series of instructional DVDs on feng shui, as well as her award-winning books on feng shui, happiness and spiritual life wisdom. Visit www.aliceinspired.com to read her blog, sign up for her newsletters and download useful feng shui tips.