The Question of Compromise

By Alice Inoue Posted in: Go Ask AliceImprove

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QUESTION OF THE WEEK: A few weeks ago, you wrote about having things you love around you. However, my husband and I disagree on what we “love,” because our tastes are so different. Can you advise us? We are stuck on one particular item, and it’s creating some challenging moments.

Your issue is quite common. When two or more people are in a household, a difference of opinion often arises as to whether or not an item, especially one in a common area, is energetically supportive. Because you didn’t tell me what the item is, let’s imagine the disputed item is a funky wall hanging that you absolutely love, but your spouse thinks is unsightly. How can you come to an agreement on where to hang this? One way is to reassign the meaning of the wall hanging, to represent the love and respect you have for each other.

Rate the item in question

Rate your love for the wall hanging on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest score. Then, your spouse should rate the same wall hanging, but with 10 representing how much he or she dislikes it. If you rate it a 9 and your spouse rates it a 7, you obviously love it more than your spouse dislikes it.

Next, ask your spouse if he or she loves you enough to allow that wall hanging to represent your love. If so, by agreeing to let it hang, your spouse has the opportunity to transform it from an “eyesore” into a gift of love, because you like the wall hanging more than he dislikes it.

Giving it a new symbolic meaning

After such an exercise, the wall hanging takes on a new symbolic meaning, and each time you see it, you are grateful, seeing it as a gift.

Every time your spouse sees it, it reminds him/her of how much he/she loves you and how important you are. The wall hanging has become a reminder of love instead of an instigator of disharmony. I have seen many couples use this process, finding it effective.

An alternative option

If this method doesn’t work in your case, I suggest that the one who loves the item most, display it in an area that is not a common one, such as a home office, hallway or room that person frequents the most. If reassigning the meaning of the item doesn’t work, create harmony by finding an alternate location for it. Common areas do best when both parties feel connected to the space, as it translates into the people in the space being more connected.

Do you have a question for Alice? If so, send it to alice@yourhappinessu.com. Alice Inoue is the founder and Chief Happiness Officer at Happiness U, a friendly educational establishment where you’ll find inspiring classes geared toward personal growth and self development. www.YourHappinessU.com