Affairs of the Heart

The rules of feng shui can certainly help you reach your relationship goals, but just remember that as in all other area’s of life, balance is key

QUESTION OF THE WEEK: I notice that in many feng shui books I read, there are so many rules and restrictions. This causes confusion for me because I can never figure out the “right” thing to do. Can you share simple insight on how to bring a new relationship into my life? I am so ready to jump in and create a home to fully support this! Can feng shui really help?

Something must be “in the air,” as this week I had quite a few questions about how to best bring in a new relationship. Perhaps the advent of spring is stimulating the desire for new relationships! Anyway, all these “relationship” questions reminded me of a feng shui consultation I had a few years ago and why balance is paramount in feng shui, just as it is in all areas of our lives.

The intense longing for a relationship

Anna (not her real name) decided she was ready for a serious long-term partner and called me to help her create an environment specifically designed to support this goal. She was 38 years old, had never been married and had not been in a serious relationship for years. Her goal was to get a boyfriend and be married by age 40. She was attractive and successful at her job, yet just could not land a guy.

When I arrived at her apartment, I immediately saw that she had no energetic room for anyone else. I explained the basics about “relationship” feng shui and specifically what she needed to create in her bedroom to make it more “twosome” friendly. She couldn’t wait to get right to work.

A phone call from Anna

About four months later, Anna called and said that right after I saw her, an opportunity came up for her to purchase a home, which she did. She was very excited because she was able to incorporate what I had taught her about relationship feng shui, and the house was now “fully relationship ready,” as she put it, and she wanted me to bless it.

OMG! To the extreme!

When I arrived, she couldn’t wait to show me all the feng shui things she had done to create space for this future relationship. She bought his and her coffee cups and lounge chairs, had placed inspiring couple-images throughout the house, and left her closet half full, leaving “space” for her future man’s things, even purchasing a man’s robe and slippers (in the size of the man she was envisioning) and hanging them in the closet.

It felt overboard to me at the time, but I was new at energy work and consulting, and she certainly had followed the rules. After the blessing, I just wished her the best.

The second phone call

About six months later Anna called saying that she needed my help again. When I spoke to her she told me that soon after I did the blessing for her home, she had met someone, who seemed perfect at the time and things had progressed quickly. Within a few months his lease was up, and she had suggested that he move in and pay half the living expenses.

After he moved in, they lived blissfully for a short period, but then everything went downhill. He lost his job and could not contribute to the monthly expenses, and then he started demanding money from her, drinking during the day when she was at work and getting angry and controlling when she was home. He had decided that he did not need a job and that she could support him.

Anna asked me if there was anything she could do via feng shui to get him out. I suggested that she forget the feng shui, end the relationship, and kick him out. I found out later that it took her a year before she was able to get him out.

The lesson

The lesson here was not just for Anna, but for me too: No matter what you do, it never serves you to go overboard. I knew this, but failed to stress it at the blessing. Feng shui is never about extremes and neither is life. In life, striving for balance is important, whether we are dieting, clearing out our clutter or quitting a habit. Extremes are never balanced. When we swing too far to the right or left, we create imbalance. As we saw in Anna’s case, although her enthusiastic intent and environmental set-up brought in a man, she brought him in too deeply too quickly, and then, when she realized he was not right for her, it took her a long time to get him to leave.

Relationship feng shui

Do you want to make room for a relationship? If so, start with your bedroom and do just a little something to shift the energy. Here are some simple suggestions.

• Use pairs in your decor.
• Use “love” colors such as pinks, reds, corals or purples in your bedding.
• Use images and symbols of romance on the wall.
• Place candles in pairs in the room.

Before you make your entire home a place for the two of you, wait until the relationship reaches the point where you trust that you are ready to move to the next level.

By the way, Anna finally met someone and got married — at 42. Her new home is balanced and matches her husband’s and her energy perfectly. Whew!

Alice Inoue is a life guide at Alice Inoue Life Guidance LLC, a company committed to assisting people in living empowered lives. Alice shares her wisdom as a professional speaker and personal consultant, and offers a series of instructional DVDs on feng shui, as well as her award-winning books on feng shui, happiness and spiritual life wisdom. Visit www.aliceinspired.com to read her blog, sign up for her newsletters and download useful feng shui tips.